While we all lubs my quiz spam, I should write a serious entry in this here blog. I haven't been feeling too fab these past few days, except for finally getting to see Vampire Clan. In the words of Jerry in House of 1000 Corpses "That was so Badass. \m/ Doctor Satan, yeah Doctor Satan \m/ It was so good I watched it twice, well, two and a bit times really. Anyway, Nathan and I were going to watch it at my sister's house but then his stalker rang and started hitting on me then saying that I was cutting his grass (in other words, trying to hit on Nathan) Most of it was funny until he called me his "pawn" I don't know that I have ever been more offended. Oh wait, when he said I wasn't Goth. The guy wears orange for fuck's sake. He said some shit about how he's goth because he listens to Dark Throne and Cradle of Filth. Look, I admit, I love COF, I do. Other than maybe Theatre des Vampires, they're one of the best Vampiric metal acts I've ever heard.But just because you like stuff like Cradle of Filth and Dark Throne, doesn't make you goth. A black metaller perhaps but not Goth. I'm not trying to be the Goth Gestapo but he pissed me off. How does he know I'm not a goh. So I don't wear make up everyday. I don't feel that it has any bearing on how "Goth" I am. Grrrr.
Back to not feeling so great. I was sitting in the Food Court near Casa Della (is that it?) In Frankston with Nathan and a few others (although they barely acknowledged our existence except maybe Cheska and her boyfriend Luke) seriously depressed (I almost cried) because of all the stuff I have to deal with. At least the large scale stuff. It just felt like everything was so trivial in comparison to what I was thinking about. Don't worry, I wasn't suicidal, just depressed. Anyway, if you are the third (and you know exactly what is meant by that hopefully) and you happen to be reading this, please write a message and I will definitely get back to you.
Anyway. Started writing the story for my comic book. I feel weird writing sex scenes but what would vampyr stories be without a little sex? I don't know, all I know is that I write them and in my head they seem like a great idea but on paper they just make me feel odd, almost like I've just written porn and I don't want it to be like that. It seems to be the way for most things that go on, I mean, I can't speak to people most of the time because what seems perfect in my head sounds really fucking dumb when I say it. It's annoying. I can't write romantic things. They just come out seeming completely contrived. Not that it matters, I've lost my talent for drawing lately. Every time I pick up a pencil to draw something gets in the way. I feel so uncreative and it makes me kind of sad. I was thinking about doing a painting for my mum but I don't know that I can and she's starting to piss me off. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death but it's like nothing I do is good enough and she doesn't understand the things I'm going through. I know everyone says that at some point but seriously. She claims to understand me being a vampyr but clearly she just doesn't get it. Lately I've been sleeping really late after going to bed at like four in the morning because I'm genuinely not tired til around then and even then I barely sleep, in between psychic attacks and various other occurences keeping me up. I've had to think about my path. I mean imagine being told hat you're going to be one of the most important and powerful beings in the world within a year to two years? It does a person's head in and half the time, I can't sleep. Then there's my constant paranoia that someone will come into my room in the middle of the night and hack me into little pieces. Silly paranoid delusions, yes but even still, they aren't really fodder for sleep, are they?
I'm sick of my sister lying all the time and about the most inane shit. According to her, my father wants to mend our relationship so I said to her that she had to tell him if he was really serious about it, he has to make the attempt. She told me she told him that when she hadn't. She could have told me the truth. I mean, what is it with people lying to me? I am so sick of it. Mum thinks I'm overreacting but everybody does it and I don't want to have to not talk to people for fear that they're lying to me. I mean, it's enough that I'm agoraphobic without that. Does make me wonder though, how far does this thing go? People and their compulsion to lie to me I mean. Doesn't anyone get it? YOU CAN'T LIE TO ME, I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE LYING BECAUSE I CAN FEEL IT. Why even try, honestly? *sigh* I'm getting to the point where I'm just getting sick of everything and everyone. I mean, I'm ready to rip Brad's throat out but then there's a part of me that doesn't care what happens with him and my sister anymore. I guess I'm more apathetic than I used to be. I used to have the highest respect for life but look what you all do to what's given to you. Maybe that's harsh but it needs to be said. If you don't like it, too bad. Let it hurt then move on, there are too many other important things to think about than something I've said.
Sorry about all the griping. I've been holding it back for a few weeks now and I feel better now that it's out...
Tee Hee, crazy people are funny, sorry, thinking about the making of Vampire Clan. I think Drew Fuller may be a little bit insane. But that's okay. He's still gorgeous. SHUT UP, I know I'm obsessed.
Anyway, I have a headache now, I'm going to leave it at that.